The Mitchell Report with Mitch K

I'm a huge fan of Tiger Woods. I'm not going to qualify that by going into a long discussion of why I disagree with what he did to his marriage/family but can separate that from the Tiger I see on the links. I am simply going to state that I love watching Tiger Woods play golf, especially when he is so good its stupid.

In my first ever post on this website, I discussed how magical it was to see Tiger make a charge on Sunday at the 2011 Masters. How it was the first time we had all seen him play like he did before that fateful Thanksgiving Day accident and all the scandal that arose afterward. That magic at the Masters only lasted for a few holes before he went back to being human again. On Sunday, the magic lasted an entire round.

In shooting a 8-under 62 and a 270 for the tournament, Tiger had his lowest 72-round total since 2009 (his last PGA Tour win) and his lowest finishing round... EVER. The two most memorable holes were 17 and 18. Tiger started that two-hole stretch by sinking a 25-foot birdie putt, breaking out his signature fist pump, and sending the crowd into a frenzy. The crowd wasn't just cheering Woods, it seemed like they were willing him to go even further. They loved the long birdie, but they wanted to see more, and they knew they could get more out of Tiger. On 18, Woods struck a less-than-perfect tee shot that seemed to bounce over a hundred potential hazards or bad lies before it ended up just outside the rough on the fringe of the fairway. It took a couple of lucky bounces, but when Tiger was the World Number One, he got all of those lucky bounces just as he did on Sunday. As he looked towards the pin set up his shot, with the bunker below and water to the right, Woods gave something more than "Old Tiger"... he gave us one of the greatest shots of his entire career. Tiger drove the ball over the bunker, kept it left of the water, and put it eight feet from the pin. The crowd roared with more fervor than they did on 17, but after they died down, there was a strange feeling that was lingering over everyone in the crowd and those watching on TV. We had seen Tiger hit great shots before, albeit not one quite as good as the one he just had, but he hadn't hit the clutch put that he needed. Yes, the crowd was roaring for him, but it was almost as if they were holding something back - "Yeah, that was a terrific shot and we'll cheer to a reasonable level, but there's still something you have left to do to get every ounce of noise that we can produce." Tiger confidently walked up to his ball and rolled in a perfect eagle put. There wasn't any question that the ball was going in from the moment the face of the putter hit it. He couldn't have had it drop in any nicer had he walked up and put it in with his hand. Once the ball disappeared, out came the Tiger Fist Pump in a more emphatic fashion. The crowd didn't hold anything back this time. The roar wouldn't have been done justice by the word "deafening". It was the kind of roar that shakes the cameras. It was the kind of roar that, even at a PGA Tour event, makes you wonder if the crowd was going to storm the green in celebration. It was the kind of roar that started with a mix of joy, happiness and thankfulness, and ended in exhaustion.

Rory McIlroy was on the 13th hole, almost at the complete opposite side of the course, when Tiger sunk his eagle on 18. McIlroy heard the crowd loud and clear and even said after the tournament that he knew it "definitely wasn't a birdie roar". These new wave of youger golfers, lead by McIlroy, don't get struck with the same kind of fear as the older guys did back in Tiger's heyday. Back then, everyone knew Tiger could outhit them and wouldn't make a mistake when he was charging up behind them. Every roar from the crowd meant that they were one shot closer to inevitably having the name "Woods" posted above theirs on the leaderboard. These younger guys still have fear when they hear the crowd roar after Tiger makes a clutch putt, but because of the advancement the game of golf has made (almost all thanks to Woods) they have the tools to stay their ground. McIlroy shook off whatever fear he had and sunk a birdie on 13 that gave him the option to play it safe through the final five holes and walk away with a two-shot win.

McIlroy deserves the spotlight after this tournament. He took home the top prize and the top spot in the world rankings after all. Nothing that McIlroy could've done would cast any kind of a shadow over Tiger after this fantastic Sunday finish. Finally, at long last, we saw Tiger play every bit of the way he did when he was winning his 14 major championships. Finally, we could believe in the Sunday Red. Now, we have to hope that he can sustain it.

                I don’t like Eli Manning. I don’t like Eli Manning at all. Eli Manning just won his second Super Bowl. Eli Manning is now considered a Hall of Famer. I disagree. Here’s why.

                I know that Super Bowls are said to be the ultimate judge of a quarterback. Why is Dan Marino held in such high standards after not winning a ring? John Elway would’ve been a lock for Canton before he won his rings at the end of his career. Warren Moon is in the Hall and doesn’t have any hardware. So is Jim Kelly. Trent Dilfer has a ring but won’t be getting close to getting a bronze bust. It is the ultimate stage, but the Super Bowl shouldn’t hold up a quarterback higher or lower than they should be based on what they have done during their entire career.

                Up until this season, Eli Manning hasn’t really been that good. He has averaged over one interception per game throughout his career, and even led the league with 25 in 2010. He hasn’t had sustained great play for more than one season. If Eli is going to play like he did this season for a couple more years, then I’ll buy into the Hall of Fame talk. I won’t after one good season which was preceded by seven that were roughly average.

                Let’s discuss the two Super Bowls that Eli won. They were both aided by great defenses. I’m not saying that’s a knock on him, but the media is making it seem like he’s been going out and throwing for 350 yards and tossing 5 touchdowns in every big game. The guy comes through in the clutch, but the clutch wouldn’t be there without the two incredible defensive fronts that the Giants have had. The two plays that will be remembered were plays by receivers, one lucky and one great. David Tyree had the luckiest catch since the “Immaculate Reception” that led to the winning touchdown (not to mention that Asante Samuel dropped a sure interception after the Tyree’s catch). The Helmet Catch never should’ve happened. Not because it was lucky, but if the refs would’ve called the play like they should’ve then the ball never would’ve left Eli’s hand. The holding on the play was criminal, and Eli was held up by two of the Pats defensive lineman which usually draws a whistle before the quarterback can take a huge shot while he’s defenseless. Neither thing was called, and the rest is history. One thing I’ll never let go is that Eli threw the ball high and down the middle, nowhere within ten yards of a receiver, and that would’ve and should’ve gotten him verbally abused by his QB coach had the ball not been separated from the helmet by a washed up Rodney Harrison. Now fast forward to Mario Manningham making a picture perfect catch on the sideline in this season’s installment of the New England – New York championship. There is no way that he could’ve done anything else better: catching the ball, getting both feet down, absorbing the hit, and maintaining control throughout the entire play. Granted, this season’s throw was much better than the one in 2007, but two players made that play even though history will remember Eli a lot more than Manningham.  

                In no way do I think Eli is a bad quarterback. If he keeps playing like he did this season, I’ll actually be glad because that means I get to watch some great football (just as long as he doesn’t do it against the Packers).Do I have an agenda against him right now? Yes. He has failed me in fantasy football and has knocked my team out of the playoffs in two of the last four years. Despite that, I think he can be a Hall of Fame player; I’m just a skeptic right now.

When I got the news about Ryan Braun's positive test for performance-enhancing drugs, the news hit me like a brick wall. I wasn't sure how to react. There was a mixture of anger, confusion, sadness, and holding out hope that the test was a fluke. I don't think I really moved for around five minutes. Braun has been my favorite player in all of sports ever since the middle of his rookie campaign with the Brewers, and news like a positive PED test isn't something that just flies under my radar. I had built him up over the past 4 seasons so that he had this sort of unbreakable armor that would deflect nearly any kind of negative story that came out about him and would forever keep him on the highest pedestal. Every story except one. Once I heard the news yesterday, that armor totally combusted and instead of being a fan of this indestructible player it was like I was a fan of Darth Vader after his mask had been taken off and all that was left was a wrinkled old man. The news about Manny Ramirez' test wasn't a shocker, I would've believed anything about Manny if I had heard it. Barry Bonds has been under fire for the better part of a decade and nobody has even tried to defend him since the guy was the worst teammate imaginable. But Ryan Braun? This guy has been a model citizen and has never been linked to PEDs, even in his minor league days. He was going to be the face of the Milwaukee Brewers franchise for the rest of his career and had just won his first NL MVP award. If he truly did take PEDs, and that word "if" is a hard one to keep attached to a positive test these days in Major League Baseball, then he has failed himself, the Milwaukee Brewers organization, the Brewers fans, and the game of baseball. He says the test is "B.S." but for me it is hard to believe anything that he says now. Braun was once Superman, now he's as Clark Kent has it gets.

The allegations against former Penn State assistant coach Jerry Sandusky are horrific and disgusting. There are now nine victims that have either been identified or come forward claiming to have been sexually abused by Sandusky. All of the victims were linked to Sandusky through his "The Second Mile" charity that is meant to help the youth of Pennsylvania. The aura around State College, PA is that of safety and security. It was a place where parents wanted to raise their children. All of that is gone and it is not coming back, at least not totally. There will always be the memory of what Jerry Sandusky did, no matter how much the culture is built back up again.

Obviously, the most pain that is being felt as a result of Sandusky's actions are not on the part of the citiens of State College, students of Penn State, fans of the football program, or the family members of anyone in the Penn State athletic department. The most pain that is being felt is that of the victims. I am not qualified to assume what they are feeling, nor could I ever imagine what it would feel like to be subject to such disgusting acts. I just know that, more so than the community of State College, nothing will ever be the same.

Penn State has to clean house. The Athletic Director, President, Joe Paterno, and everyone underneath them have to go. Some people will lose their jobs that were not directly involved in the misreporting of Sandusky's actions, but they now have the stain of this scandal on them. Penn State needs a clean slate. No, Joe Paterno and his graduate assistant (identified as Mike McQueary) didn't do anything against the letter of the law and will not be subject to any sort of legal punishment. They did not, however, fulfill their moral obligation. McQueary saw a rape first hand, knew it was Sandusky, talked to his father and Paterno, but did not do enough. Paterno sent the matter to the AD and did not pursue it any further. If you see a rape happening, especially if you have identified the assailant, you don't go to your boss with the matter - you take it to the local authorities. Even if you do take it to your boss, wouldn't you assume nothing has been done if you see Sandusky walking around the facilities in the days, months, and years afterwards? And wouldn't the fact that nothing had been done make you want to at least revisit the issue with your boss if not take it to the authorities yourself? How was Sandusky still allowed to use the facilities without anything being done? Yes, it is sad that Paterno's career will end with a dark cloud hanging over him, but he should have done differently. 

The NCAA has no place to come down on Penn State. This scandal does not involve money being paid to players, the selling of game-worn jerseys, or free tattoos. This is purely a legal and moral issue. If the NCAA takes away scholarships or suspends the football program from participating in bowl games, they will have overstepped their boundaries. The only governing bodies that will have rule over this will be that of Penn State University and the state of Pennsylvania. The punishment against Penn State will not be the same thing that has been brought down on USC or Ohio State. The punishment for Penn State will be simple: Penn State, the "good guys" of college football, will no longer be Penn State.

            Last week didn’t go well. Thanks to the Ravens and Jaguars playing the absolute worst game that I have ever fully watched from beginning to end (mostly because I had Ray Rice on my fantasy team, or maybe mostly because that game really was just flat out horrible…I haven’t decided yet), the Colts not showing up in New Orleans, the Chargers not knowing how to run a two minute drill to end the game, and the Browns and Seahawks combining for a stunning total of nine points… my record was 5-8. Somehow I have still managed to stay in the top ten percent on ESPN’s Pigskin Pick’em. The Packers are on their bye week this week so that means the NFL is effectively shut down until Week 9. In any case, here are my picks – home team in CAPS, ESPN’s spread is in parenthesis.

            Colts (+9.5) over TITANS – This is the battle of two teams who didn’t show up in Week 7. The Colts lost 62-7 on the road and the Titans lost 41-7 at home. I’ll put the mandatory statement about Chris Johnson having his breakout week here: “If Chris Johnson doesn’t break out against this Colts defense that allowed 62 points last week, he never will!” Honestly this has to be the worst season that the Titans could’ve expected out of Johnson, short of him blowing out his knee on the first play of the season. Actually it might’ve been less painful to watch if that happened than have to sit through him averaging around 2.9 yards per carry.

            Saints (-10.5) over RAMS – No matter how big the line is against the rams, lay the points. They’re such a reliable team.

            Dolphins (+9.5) over GIANTS – Don’t take the points with Eli Manning if it is more than a touchdown.

            PANTHERS (-3.5) over Vikings – While Christian Ponder did impress me last week; Cam Newton and Steve Smith are going to light up the Minnesota secondary. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Vikings tried a couple deep shots early, though. I still can’t believe that Cam is this good. It’s not that I didn’t think that he would ever be good, I just never thought that he’d ever be this good so fast. He will be a superstar in a few years.

            RAVENS (-12.5) over Cardinals – The Ravens are pissed. They’re going to win by at least two touchdowns. Arizona stinks. I feel bad for Larry Fitzgerald. He’s such a good player and a good guy but he took that huge extension before finding out if Kevin Kolb was any good. Now the Cardinals are sitting at 1-5 and Fitzgerald has a slim chance to win anything for the rest of his career.

            Jaguars (+9.5) over TEXANS – I think this is going to be a letdown game for Jacksonville. They beat the only playoff team that they’ll beat all year, and although it was really ugly they spent a lot of energy doing it. However, I don’t feel comfortable giving Matt Schaub 9.5-points. He’s Tony Romo without the star on his helmet.

            BILLS (-5.5) over Redskins – Although the Bills’ magic has worn off slightly, I do feel confident that their offense can outscore any kind of combination of Rex Grossman and John Beck by at least a touchdown.

            Lions (-3.5) over BRONCOS – I’m really nervous about this game because of one man: Tim Tebow. I know the guy isn’t a great quarterback, and although I’m a huge fan of his, I don’t think he’ll ever be a great quarterback from a mechanics standpoint. I do know that God loves Tim Tebow and that he always finds ways to win or make it respectable no matter how bad Denver is. The horrible first 55 minutes he had last week almost made the finish more amazing. If John Fox knows what’s good for him, he should run Tebow instead of having him sit back in the pocket and get pummeled by this Detroit front.

            Bengals (-2.5) at SEAHAWKS – I know that Seattle has a great homefield advantage, but I just watched them score three points last week and the Bengals have a better defense than the Browns.

            49ERS (-9.5) over Browns – As the other half of the aforementioned Seahawks game, I won’t be taking the points with a Cleveland team that only managed to score six points against a Seattle defense that doesn’t have one player that I can name. But I can’t believe I’m laying 9.5-points with Alex Smith.

            STEELERS (+2.5) over Patriots – I know that Tom Brady OWNS the Steelers in Pittsburgh, I know. The Steelers have a great deep threat with Mike Wallace and a very solid receiving corps overall and the Patriots can’t stop anything through the air. I really want to see Vince Wilfork, Albert Haynesworth break through the line and try to bring down Big Ben. That would be about 1,500 pounds of NFL football players in the Pittsburgh backfield… give or take.

            Cowboys (+3.5) over EAGLES – If DeMarco Murray is for real, he should have a good game against this atrocious Philly run defense. I think he is, so I’ll take the points with Dallas. I’m trying to think of it has taking the points because of Murray instead of worrying about taking the points with Romo.

            CHIEFS (+3.5) over Chargers – San Diego has shown me absolutely nothing that would make me pick them in this game. Phillip Rivers is so bad that the Chargers fan base is wondering if he is hiding an injury. They have everything they could want on offense to be extremely successful against any defense but Rivers has been surprisingly inept at running it. I don’t know how the Chiefs have won three games to this point, and I don’t think they’re any good, but this pick is more out of spite for the Chargers than confidence in the Chiefs.

            Ever since the top of the first inning of Sunday night’s NLCS Game 6 ended, I have been going through the five stages of grief. After the bottom of the second, with the Brewers down 5-4, I did have a temporary lapse in the progression but the good ol’ Cardinals came back with four runs in the top of the third to really put it away. By the end of the seventh inning I thought I had gone through the final stage – acceptance – only to start the entire cycle again after the game ended and St Louis stormed out of the dugout to celebrate winning the National League pennant. When I woke up this morning and flipped on ESPN, the very first thing I saw was the devil – and by “the devil” I mean Tony LaRussa – getting doused with champagne… and the cycle started again.

            Denial – How could this have happened? We had homefield advantage against a team that we know better than anyone else, AND their ace didn’t start for the first two games. This series was tailor-made for us to win.

            Anger – Why, why, why, why, why did Marcum get the start in Game 6? That guy better not show his face in Wisconsin again, at least not when I’m around! Why did the Phillies have to lose in the first round? I would’ve definitely preferred to lose to them in the NLCS! Then we’d be in the same place as we are now… except for, you know, the AGONY OF LOSING TO THE CARDINALS!

            Bargaining – God, please strike Albert Pujols, David Freese, and Tony LaRussa with lightning. Also, have the Brewers make a mid-game trade for CC Sabathia and get a coupon for 7 free runs. I will donate my entire next paycheck to the church if you can get that done. Wait, that won't be close to enough. I'll donate my next TWO paychecks!

            Depression – Here’s to another thirty years of futility! This was the year to get it done. This was the last year that we’ll have the combo of Braun and Fielder to strike fear into any opposing pitcher. The Brewers will never get to this level of success again!

            Acceptance – Okay, this was the best season I have ever witnessed by any Brewers team. I have never seen anything like it and I appreciate the season for what it is worth. This season was not a failure by any stretch of the imagination. I’m thankful for what Prince Fielder gave the organization, and I wish him the best on his next team unless that team is in the NL Central. The Cardinals played a better series and deserved to advance. I couldn’t have possibly expected this kind of excitement, and this is something that I’ll always cherish and remember.

            And there ends my entire cycle of grief, although I seem to be stuck going back and forth between the depression and acceptance stages still, with a little bit of anger towards Marcum still rearing it’s head. I don’t think the cycle will be 100% complete until the Rangers win the World Series or the sports news world stops talking about the Cardinals winning it all. Until the Redbirds are eliminated from the postseason or from the news cycle of ESPN, there will always be a little bit of the five stages sneaking back into the forefront of my mind.

The Brewers offseason should be interesting. They’ll be taking part in the sweepstakes for Prince, but they probably won’t win unless he takes a hometown discount. I anticipate them picking up another pitcher, maybe two, and a shortstop/third baseman/first baseman depending on who is available and how much money they’ve got to spend without signing Fielder. We can now, or soon, turn our eyes to the start of the 2012 season and the rematch with the Cardinals on Opening Day. It’s going to be hard to top the excitement of this season and even though it’s over, at least we all got to experience it.

            Last week was the first bye week, and with only 13 games I somehow had the best record of the season so far. With my 10-3 week, I’ve already fallen in love with not having to pick teams like San Diego or find out what the line is with Tim Tebow at quarterback for Denver. Here are the picks; home team in CAPS and the spread (from ESPN’s Pigskin Pick’em) in parenthesis.

            Panthers (+4.5) over FALCONS – I honestly think that the Falcons suck. They had high expectations coming into the season, but if Michael Vick didn’t slam his head into his offensive lineman in Week 2 they’d be 1-4 going into this week. Cam Newton will once again find a way to pull off a backdoor cover (I’m convinced that he can do this against any team in any stadium in any weather) and the Panthers could even pull out a huge win in ATL.

            GIANTS (-3.5) over Bills – I think the “feel good” part about the Bills is coming to an end. Also, this is the one week that I’ll be cheering for Eli Manning as he’s my fantasy quarterback due to Phillip Rivers bye week… but I would much rather have Peyton in a neck brace under center than put my trust in his little brother.

            LIONS (-4.5) over 49ers – Yeah, the San Fran defense is really good. They don’t have anybody that can cover Megatron (that’s not a knock on them though, nobody has the personnel to match up with him). In the end, I think that the Stafford-to-Johnson connection and the Detroit defensive front will be too much for the 49ers.

            PACKERS (-14.5) over St. Louis – The line is so huge that it’s tempting me to pick the Rams. But hold on just one second, the Rams are ABSOLUTELY the worst team in the NFL and can’t do anything on either side of the ball. I would even consider picking Green Bay if the line was -30 points. Oh, and Aaron Rodgers is the freaking MAN!

            REDSKINS (-0.5) over Eagles – With the 0.5-point line, this is pretty much a pick’em game. I think the ‘Skins are going to win this game, and without a line for them to cover I feel comfortable picking them here. The Eagles shouldn’t have run up the score last season on Monday Night Football because now Washington can deal out the final blow to Philly’s playoff hopes.

            STEELERS (-12.5) over Jaguars – Blaine Gabbert is so bad.

            RAIDERS (-5.5) over Browns – I’d take Oakland if they had this line in Cleveland too. I’m surprised it’s not higher since they’re at home. Is there really anything that the Browns can do that would make anybody think they can stay within a touchdown of any halfway decent team on the road?

            RAVENS (-7.5) over Texans – I’m going to cosign this idea from Grantland’s Bill Simmons, “Matt Schaub is basically Tony Romo with a less exciting name, a less famous team and a better PR agent.” Schaub’s game-ending interception last week against Oakland was definitely something that Romo would do and has done in his career. Against the Ravens, the Texans won’t be able to run the ball much, so Schaub is going to have to win this game by himself without WR Andre Johnson. Ravens by 10+.

            Cowboys (+7.5) over PATRIOTS – There needs to be some point where New England gets burned by their horrible secondary.

            Saints (-4.5) over BUCCANEERS – Ever since the Bucs looked very unimpressive against a horrible Colts team, I’m going to pick against them almost every week until they go on a run covering the spread… and that probably won’t happen.

            Vikings (-3.5) over BEARS – I’m really on the fence about this game. I think the Vikings are more talented than the Bears, but they can’t hold a lead to save their lives unless they’re playing someone from the NFC West. If Minnesota gives Adrian Peterson the ball 35 or more times, they’ll win this game – just put it in his hands, and it’s not like he can’t handle the carries. The one thing I’m definitely not looking forward to: Jared Allen getting a sack on Jay Cutler.

            JETS (-7.5) over Dolphins – This is a total trap game. The ‘Fins are definitely getting ready for their game next week against Tim Tebow. Oh, and Matt Moore is their quarterback… that’d also be a reason to pick against them on the road, or at home.

Last week produced a 10-6 record, my first double-digit wins week of the season so things are looking up. We have arrived at the first bye week of the year and don’t have teams like St. Louis to pick against, so things should get a little bit tougher if only for this week. Here are the picks: home team in CAPS and the spread (from ESPN’s pigskin pick’em) in parenthesis.

            Eagles (-2.5) over BILLS – The Eagles can’t protect Michael Vick, and the Bills can’t get to the quarterback. I think this is a perfect matchup for Philly, and they need to win to try and pick up the city even a little bit after the Phillies were eliminated from the postseason.

            Bengals (+2.5) over JAGUARS – Andy Dalton is on the rise, Blaine Gabbert can’t even complete 48% of his passes. I’m not sure why the Jags are getting 2.5 points, even at home.

            Titans (+7.5) over STEELERS – Pittsburgh is banged up on both sides of the ball and Matt Hasslebeck is secretly having a very good season and looked fine in his first game without injured WR Kenny Britt.

            Chiefs (+2.5) over COLTS – This is another one of those games where I definitely will not be watching. The good teams in the NFL are exceedingly watchable, no matter who they are, but the bad teams barely beat out Court TV. I’m just surprised ESPN didn’t have the extreme misfortune of landing this game on Monday Night Football.

            Raiders (+6.5) over TEXANS – I’m not saying the death of Al Davis will provide Oakland with a ton of motivation, but it won’t hurt. Plus, they’d cover this ridiculous spread without anything like the death of their owner added on.

            VIKINGS (-2.5) over Cardinals – The Vikings have to hold on to a lead sometime. The Cardinals are the perfect team for Minnesota to get at home – and by that I mean they’re really bad.

            PANTHERS (+5.5) over Saints – Cam Newton has become the king of the backdoor cover and I’m not going to get hurt by that again. Unless he doesn’t pull off the backdoor cover, then we’ve got a problem.

            GIANTS (-9.5) over Seahawks – Pick Seattle when they’re at home, pick against them when they’re on the road. Simple.

            49ERS (-1.5) over Buccaneers – San Fran is what I thought Cincinnati was, a bad team who beats other bad teams and covers the spread against good teams.

            Chargers (+4.5) over BRONCOS – The Chargers aren’t as good as they should be, largely due to missing Antonio Gates, but at least they aren’t starting off 0-4 or 1-3 like they used to. Their downfall might be allowing Eric Decker to bust out for some big returns, but other than that San Diego should dominate this game.

            Jets (+9.5) over PATRIOTS – The line is too big for me to pick the Pats. I think the Jets are a good defensive team, especially against the pass, and are too proud to get blown out for the third week in a row.

            Packers (-5.5) over FALCONS – I think this game is going to be a blowout, just like the playoff matchup last season. And to be honest, I think the Falcons suck.

            LIONS (-5.5) over Bears – The Ford Field crowd is going to be insane and help carry Detroit to a huge win over a division rival (and payback for Week 1 of last season). Cutler should fake an injury in warm-ups if he wants to make it out intact.

Last week I finally got over the .500 mark, so instead of looking for a bounce back week I finally have something to build off of. Picks should be getting easier now that we know who really is horrible, like the whole NFC West, so we’ll see what happens in Week 4. Here are the picks; home team is in CAPS and the spread (taken from ESPN’s pigskin pick’em) is in parenthesis.

            Bills (-3.5) over BENGALS – I think the Bills offense is legitimate, but I’m not sure if their defense is up to par with the hype (although it’s hard to be). The good thing is that the Buffalo defense doesn’t have to be outstanding to win in Cincy.

            BEARS (-6.5) over Panthers – Cam Newton is coming back down to earth.

            TITANS (+1.5) over BROWNS – The Titans have a top three defense in terms of yardage allowed, and the Browns have been much less than stellar offensively. I know the Titans lost Kenny Britt for the season, but Chris Johnson has to catch fire somewhere at some point.

            Lions (+3.5) over COWBOYS – Ndamukong Suh is going to break Tony Romo’s entire ribcage and irreparably damage his manhood. Dallas’ center might have been distracted by the Redskins calling out the snap count last week, but I think having Suh lined up across from you and ready to rip you to shreds is much more distracting. Oh, and not to mention Calvin Johnson is the best receiver in the game and the ‘Boys don’t have anyone that can cover him.

            Vikings (-1.5) over CHIEFS – If Adrian Peterson does not get any meaningful amount of carries in the second half to protect Minnesota’s lead (they’ll be up at halftime, trust me), then Leslie Frasier is the dumbest coach in all of football. The Vikings are an underachieving team that should be doing better. The Chiefs are just flat out irrelevant.

            Redskins (+0.5) over Rams – The Redskins should’ve won on the road last week in the battle of field goals in Dallas. No matter what your opinion is on Dallas, you have to admit they’re five times the team that St Louis is.

            Saints (-7.5) over JAGUARS – Drew Brees is going to have another huge week against the Jags. Blaine Gabbert will still be trying to figure things out.

            EAGLES (-6.5) over 49ERS – I think the Eagles can win this game even if Michael Vick doesn’t play the whole game. The only key for Philly will be stopping Frank Gore; Alex Smith will just stop himself.

            TEXANS (-3.5) over Steelers – I think this is the game where the Texans finally prove that they are a real contender by beating a legitimate team.

            Falcons (+4.5) over SEAHAWKS – Atlanta needs to win this game. It’s one thing to lose to a division rival; it’s a whole other story to lose to anybody in the NFC West.

               Giants (-1.5) over CARDINALS – See: Last thirteen words of Falcons over Seahawks.

            Broncos (+13.5) over PACKERS – The Packers will win this game, but I have learned to pick the dog when there’s such a huge spread. Ah crap, now I’m not so sure. On one hand, the spread is so big that it’s almost forcing me to pick Denver. On the other hand, the Packers winning by anything less than 14 points will probably be a disappointment.

            Patriots (-4.5) over RAIDERS – Tom Brady will not lose two games in a row this season. With their running game, the Raiders have the ability to keep the ball away from the Patriots’ offense, but run defense isn’t what has been killing New England. In the end, Jason Campbell will be too inadequate to lead Oakland to the win.

            Dolphins (+8.5) over CHARGERS – I will not pick the Chargers in any week before Week 8 when the line is above 2.5 points. I just won’t. They’ll never come through for me. If San Diego wins by 9 or more, I will hate them forever and always.

            RAVENS (-3.5) over Jets – The Jets’ vaunted run defense just got demolished by Darren McFadden last week and they have been underwhelming all season. Ray Rice should have a huge day (and he better since he’s on my fantasy team).

            Colts (+9.5) over BUCCANEERS – The beginning of the Curtis Painter era will begin with a loss, but not with a double-digit loss. The Colts, although they are horrible, look to be a little feisty and handed out some hard hits against the Steelers last week. I think any Indianapolis win might be the worst thing for them, because if you’re a good franchise you might never get a shot at drafting a quarterback like Andrew Luck ever again.

It finally happened! I went 9-7 last week and broke the 8-8 streak! I’m still very upset on picking against the spread, however. I don’t think that feeling will change at any point in the season with all of the backdoor covers and should’ve-had-a-touchdown-but-they-only-got-a-field-goal-and-therefore-didn’t-cover picks going the wrong way every week. The knowledge that I would’ve had the right pick if I had been picking straight up is still not helping anything… Anyway, here is the recap.

Bills 31, Patriots 34 (loss): I’m just convinced that this game was destined to be a Buffalo win no matter what happened. The football gods were on their side. Tom Brady threw as many picks in this one game as he did all of last season, one of which ricocheted off a Bill’s defensive lineman’s helmet and right to one of his fellow defenders who returned the interception for a touchdown. It was a weird game and I’m not convinced that New England is that bad or that Buffalo is that good.

49ers 13, Bengals 9 (loss): It turns out that Cincy might not be one of those bad teams that beat other bad teams and cover the spread against good teams. They might just be a run-of-the-mill bad team.

Browns 17, Dolphins 16 (win): Well, the Fins didn’t win on the road, but at least they covered.

Titans 17, Broncos 14 (loss): Matt Hasslebeck looks like he’s better than a serviceable quarterback, but that might change now that Kenny Britt is out for the year. If there is any time that Chris Johnson needs to step up, that time is now.

Lions 26, Vikings 23 (loss): I love seeing the Vikings collapse in the second half of every game. They could have a 42-0 lead on any team in the NFL and I would never think that the game is over. Leslie Frasier might not be as good of a coach as we thought going into the season. There’s the obvious inability for his team to hold a lead, but there was also the decision to give the ball to Toby Gerhardt on 4^th-and-1. Adrian Peterson was waving off the special teams unit himself, but Frasier decided to give the ball to Gerhardt instead of Peterson and Gerhardt got stonewalled short of the first down. If Peterson gets the ball, Frasier doesn’t get criticized even if AP doesn’t get the first. Now he’s getting killed.

Saints 40, Texans 33 (win): There might’ve only been eight or nine defenders on the field in this game. Along with the opening game of the year, the Saints have played in two of the top five most exciting games of the young season.

Giants 29, Eagles 16 (loss): The Eagles might be overrated. Without counting the fact that Vick won’t stay healthy, their defense just gets gashed down the middle. Eli Manning doesn’t have anybody to throw to and even he had a good game.

Panthers 16, Jaguars 10 (win): Cam Newton didn’t have close to the production that he had in the first two weeks, but he finally got a win.

Chargers 20, Chiefs 17 (loss): Wow the Chargers fell asleep for this game. I’m starting to think Philip Rivers is overrated, too. The game should’ve been 548-0.

Raiders 34, Jets 24 (win): The anger over Mark Sanchez’ hot dog incident fueled this win for the silver and black! That and Darren McFadden running rampant all over the field.

Ravens 37, Rams 7 (win): The Rams should just pack it in this year to avoid any more injuries. If the cheerleaders dressed up like lingerie football players and played against the actual NFL teams, they would probably do just as well.

Buccaneers 16, Falcons 13 (win): I’m convinced that the Falcons will lose at least 6 of their road games this year. They’re not as good as they were hyped up to be in the preseason, and they’re much worse on the road in every facet of the game.

Packers 27, Bears 17 (win): The amount of mistakes that the Packers made while still managing to win by ten proves that the Bears are no threat to win the division this year.

Seahawks 13, Cardinals 10 (win): Arizona just went from being sneakily bad to not-so-sneakily bad. I think I was a week ahead on that one and will accept all of your congratulations.

Steelers 23, Colts 20 (loss): I’m still convinced that the Colts are horrible.

Cowboys 18, Redskins 16 (win): Tony Romo is a good quarterback, but for him to be praised as the ultimate warrior and a savior is absolutely ridiculous. I watched the entire game and there was nothing that stood out to me about any play that he made. Sure it’s different with the Cowboys running a lot of quick plays so he didn’t take any hits with the broken ribs, but he didn’t do anything fantastic.

My quest for a finish above 8-8 continues into Week 3. I have been growing more and more angry towards the spread as the weeks go on, but only because an 8-8 finish is a knock on my pride. Picking games straight up last season I would usually end up with a record of 12-4 or better, but I digress… Here are my Week 3 picks. Home team in CAPS, and the spread is in parenthesis.

Patriots over BILLS (+8.5) – The only reason that I won’t get this one right is if the Bills get a backdoor cover at the end of the game with a cheap touchdown. The Patriots are going to win and they will win by 9+ points if they can prevent any garbage time points. Buffalo was a cute story for the first two weeks but they’re not good enough.

BENGALS (-2.5) over 49ers – I originally thought the Bengals would be the worst team in the NFL, now they might be a team that beats bad teams (like San Fran) and covers the spread against good teams. They won’t make the playoffs by any means, but they’re at least OK.

Dolphins over BROWNS (-2.5) – Here is where we’ll find out if the “road field advantage” still works for the Fins. If not, I’m not picking them again for the rest of the season.

TITANS (-6.5) over Broncos – Denver is riddled with injuries and can’t stop the run. Chris Johnson has had a horrible start to the season, but I think this week is perfect for a breakout game.

Lions over VIKINGS (+3.5) – I’m going to keep riding the Lions until they let me down. I won’t even be nervous if they go into halftime with a 24-0 deficit with the way the Vikings have been playing. Oh, and if you haven’t noticed by now, McNabb has lost it… well, he lost it a while ago.

SAINTS (-3.5) over Texans – I don’t want to put my trust in the Texans in their first true test of the season.

EAGLES (-7.5) over Giants – No matter how many injuries they fake, the Giants won’t slow down this Philly offense.

PANTHERS (-3.5) over Jaguars – I don’t think Cam Newton can throw for over 400 yards in a third consecutive game, but I do think that the Jaguars are really, really bad.

CHARGERS (-14.5) over Chiefs – This line could be -20.5 and I would still pick San Diego. One thing you don’t have to worry about with Kansas City is the backdoor cover, because they can’t score points at all.

RAIDERS (+3.5) over Jets – Not only do I think the Raiders will cover, I think they’ll win! This is my upset pick of the week. Oakland is still upset over Mark Sanchez putting mustard on a hot dog and eating it when he was on the sideline during the Jets blowout win in 2009. It seems stupid (it is) but if it gives them extra motivation I’m getting behind them!

Ravens over RAMS (+3.5) – The Ravens need to atone for their loss last week in Tennessee, and not just with a close win.

BUCCANNEERS (-1.5) over Falcons – I don’t think the Falcons are as good as they were hyped up to be, and I think they should be 0-2 right now. Josh Freeman plays well at home and LeGarrette Blount is turning into a powerful running back. Matt Ryan makes a lot more dumb mistakes on the road than he does at home, and it’ll be too hot for Michael Turner and his thighs to plod up and down the field for too long (I’m just looking for more reasons to be confident in this pick).

Packers over BEARS (+3.5) – The Packers should kill the Bears in this one. They haven’t played a complete game yet and I think this is the week where they can put it all together. Don’t kick the ball to Hester, please.

SEAHAWKS (+3.5) over Cardinals – Seattle is obviously horrible, but the Cardinals secretly (not so secretly to me) suck. I’ll take the points with the Seahawks in their first home game.

Steelers over COLTS (+10.5) – There is really no way that this line could be big enough for me to pick Indy. HOLY CRAP THEY ARE HORRIBLE!

Redskins over COWBOYS (-6.5) – The ‘Boys are battling a bunch of injuries to crucial players, and the ‘Skins couldn’t be more confident in themselves. I think Brian Orakpo breaks one or more of Tony Romo’s ribs before the game is done.

            Recap: I’ve got the Patriots (road favorite), Bengals (home favorite), Titans (home favorite), Lions (road favorite), Saints (home favorite), Eagles (home favorite), Panthers (home favorite), Chargers (home favorite), Raiders (home dog), Ravens (road favorite), Buccaneers (home favorite), Packers (road favorite), Seahawks (home dog), Steelers (road favorite), and Redskins (road dog) to win or cover this week. I’m confident, which probably means I’ll go 6-10. Check back on Tuesday for the recap and look for the “Packers Lounge” in the middle of the week!

So my plans to bounce back from an 8-8 week didn’t go as planned as I went 8-8 once again in Week 2. After two weeks, I think that one of the only things we know about the NFL season is that there are going to be a ton of points scored, probably more than we have ever seen before. Here’s the Week 2 recap:

Buffalo 38 – Oakland 35 (win): The Raiders had a big lead but let it slip away when they somehow left the middle of the field wide open and allowed an easy touchdown pass from Ryan Fitzpatrick. The Hail Mary attempt by Oakland QB Jason Campbell nearly worked out but the Buffalo corner wrestled the ball away and secured the win. We’ll find out if Buffalo is truly a good team when they take on the Patriots in Week 3.

New Orleans 30 – Chicago 13 (loss): So I picked the Bears to cover the line of Saints -7.5 because of what they did to Atlanta in Week 1. They turned around and had the exact same thing done to them in Week 2. I’m not sure if that tells me more about the Bears or the Falcons. I hate being confused.

Cleveland 27 – Indianapolis 19 (loss): HOLY CRAP THE COLTS SUCK! I didn’t think they were quite this bad but HOLY CRAP THEY SUCK!

Detroit 48 – Kansas City 3 (win): The Chiefs should just try and out-tank the Colts to get the number one pick in next year’s draft. The Lions, on the other hand, have playoff potential and won’t be in any position to tank their season.

Green Bay 30 – Carolina 23 (loss): Is Cam Newton for real? It’s hard to say. He has torched one bad secondary and one good defense that was without a pro-bowl corner. I’m not ready to declare that he is for real right now, but I also wasn’t ready to do that after Week 1 and he passed for even more yards on a much better secondary. It was a weird game for the offense, as they barely touched the ball in the first quarter and never seemed to develop a rhythm. The defense, while allowing a ton of passing yards, never really broke when it mattered most.

Tennessee 26 – Baltimore 13 (loss): This is another confusing game. The Ravens ran the Steelers out of town in Week 1, and the Titans couldn’t beat the lowly Jaguars. Everything did a complete 180 and Tennessee doubled up B-more in Week 2. NOTHING IN THE WORLD MAKES SENSE!

Pittsburgh 24 – Seattle 0 (win): I like it when things make sense.

Tampa Bay 24 – Minnesota 20 (loss): That was a terrific choke job by the boys in purple.

New York Jets 32 – Jacksonville 3 (loss): So I guess the Jets do have enough offense; at least enough offense to beat a really bad team.

Washington 22 – Arizona 21 (loss): I actually think the Redskins can be above a middle-of-the-pack team this season. I thought that before Week 1 and I still think it now. Kevin Kolb and Larry Fitzgerald haven’t formed enough continuity yet, but by midseason they should be fine and be dropping huge numbers on every secondary in their division.

Dallas 27 – San Francisco 24 (win): Tony Romo is the second coming of Roger Staubach mixed with the second coming of Jesus. Or maybe he just isn’t as bad as everyone seemed to think he was after Week 1. Yeah, let’s go with that one.

Denver 24 – Cincinnati 22 (win): Like I said in my picks column, there was no way in hell I was watching this game. I held true on my claim.

Houston 23 – Miami 13 (win): The Dolphins should implode their stadium or make it a permanent host for BCS bowl games and Super Bowls because they simply cannot win there.

New England 35 – San Diego 21 (win): The Chargers really let a lot of opportunities pass them by in this game, but at least they didn’t let fat Vince Wilfork outrun them.

Atlanta 35 – Philadelphia 31 (loss): I’m not sure if the loss could be blamed on Michael Vick getting hurt or the Eagles lack of a run defense. I think the loss of Vick places some kind of asterisk on this win for the Falcons, but they did exploit Philly’s weakness that would’ve covered the loss of Vick.

New York Giants 28 – St Louis 16 (win): The Giants’ players faked injuries at the end. Sadly the Rams’ players’ injuries are real. Those injuries held them back from a win in New York and will hold them back all season.